DeClutter Resolutions

January looms in the very near future and I am feeling a lot less apprehensive about making resolutions,because this year I actually accomplished many of them!!!

Although I have come farther than I imagined I would, I still hear the clutter that is left in the house mocking me. It laughs from the corners, the closets, the cabinets of my home and threatens a take over. I've been scheming about a sneak attack. I dream about moving in with garbage bags and in one fell swoop diminishing the clutter once and for all. But every time it's either the lack of time to really accomplish the task, or my lingering emotional ties to the clutter that win over and the most stubborn clutter remains.

I need to have a plan of action. Something realistic. I want to continue to work on my cleaning habits and make sure the clutter doesn't take over again. But there is hope! I found this great decluttering calendar online. Granted, it's from 2011, but I'm sure it would work for 2012.

http://www.mysimplerlife.com/2011.htm

One drawer a day I can do!

"Take that! you clutter-mound-of-hoarding-stuff you!"

Now, if only I had a mask and a cape I would be all set for my super hero cleaning adventure! But I think I got rid of those a long time ago...

hmmm...

See? That is why I keep stuff around. I might actually NEED it one day!


Well, I am ALSO creative. And garbage bags make GREAT capes! :)

Stay tuned...

The Rules

I have been sooo delinquent on blogging here, but I want to continue to journal about my experience.

I am surprised that keeping my home neat was actually HARDER once life went back to 'normal'. I seem to do better under pressure. But thankfully those two weeks in September when I was watching my sister's children and had extra responsibilities helped me get some rules in place and I have seen a change over the past month.

I started with some simple rules that may seem obvious to you all, but were not habits of mine, so a rule needed to be formed.

1. Dishes done or loaded into dish washer every morning and every evening after dinner. Dish washer run every day. (So embarrassed to admit that many evenings in the past I went to bed with dirty dishes on the counter).

2. Wipe down surfaces every day. (Counters, tables, bathrooms)

3. Floors swept or vacummed every day.

4. Beds made every day.

5. Clean for an hour every morning. I set a timer and blast music (it helps.) :) Some days I do bathrooms, one day I do laundry, another day is for a deep kitchen clean, another day I mop floors. I do what I can in that one hour and go longer if I feel like it. I've learned that if I don't clean the house by noon, it probably won't happen or will cause me stress later in the day right before my man walks in the door (which I don't want).

6. Surface clutter cleared (and that means CLEARED) at least once a week.

7. Things to be given away or returned to store taken care of every week. (I have stuff that needs to be returned to someone from over a year ago!) I'm going to try to put it in the car, to see if that will help.

8. Once a room is cleaned and everything has a place and I am 'proud' of it - DECORATE. This is my reward for keeping a room clean and presentable. I will put up the picture on the wall I've been meaning too, place seasonal decorations around. Something about adding those special touches help me fall in love with the room and I have more motivation to keep that space neat and clean. I'm anxious to feel this away about our office area. (Still VERY messy. But I have high hopes that the 'rules' can apply to this room too and soon be transformed).

9. If a place that I have designated for some of my 'stuff' isn't working, I find a new one. I found that a lot of my spots for things were not functional, or had ceased to work for whatever I had designated them for. This was new for me, but I decided to start in one corner of the room and review item by item and evaluate whether it was something I liked and was working for me and my family or if it is something that needed to change. I try to only tackle one thing a week or two if I can. Sometimes it means purchasing a new container or something functional for the home, so cost is a factor.

10. Take a day off. Sundays are my day to do NOTHING (except dishes). After church, I relax with my family, spend time watching tv shows that I recorded or a good book or movie, catching up on things on the internet etc. I can push myself during the week, knowing that I have a day 'off'.

I've broken these "Rules" a dozen times already, but I've kept them more than I thought I would. I find that I am happier, and the home is a happier place when I stick to it.

I'm still a little weak in the house cleaning realm of things, but progress is being made.

My next big issue: The hidden areas (closets, uncommon areas of the home, storage and garage) I seriously dread going through all that junk especially since I didn't have that garage sale I promised myself I would have. sigh.

At least our common areas of the house are livable and are beginning to resemble a normal happy home. :) There is hope!

I think I can, I think I can!

When I think back to my house as it was when I was at my lowest, surrounded by cluttered chaos and general feeling of being overwhelmed, I am shocked at where I am today. I am so stunned that it was without fear that I had a new friend over for lunch today. And (I might add) it was with very little stress!! :)

My entryway, kitchen, dining room and living room were actually pretty clean!

And GET THIS! It was during a couple weeks of crazy business! I have been more busy in the past two weeks than I have ever been. I haven't stopped! I have some health issues and have had numerous Dr.'s appointments, the kids started school again and of course there are extra trips to the stores and teacher's meetings and back to school meetings etc. Our schedule has been so crazy!

I'm watching my sister's 3 children while she and her husband are out of the country for 2 weeks. All of the kids are school age, but my two attend a local school and her three are home schooled. So I am helping my nephews and niece with their home school work. I also have a baking business from my home and had cake orders. I drive over to my sister's house a couple times a day to take care of their pets. I have other obligations and errands that creep up (like they do for all of us).

I also went away over Labor Day weekend and packed everything and didn't forget anything!!! You have no idea how huge this is that I didn't forget anything. (except my pillow - oye). I made lists! (LISTS!) We went away because my mother in law has cancer and we went to see her. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to hold up physically or emotionally while I was there with all that we have going on in our own lives. But, I felt such a strong sense of God and His strength come over me that I was able to be calm and peaceful in the face of negative turmoil and also (I think and I hope) be a blessing to her as I cooked and cleaned there at her house. We returned home last night and everything is unpacked and put away. This morning, I only had an hour or so to get ready for my friend to come. In the past, I would have cancelled or begged her to meet me at a local cafe, especially because she is a new friend who I wouldn't want to scare off my usually cluttered and messy abode. But I didn't cancel and my house was actually presentable!

I don't say any of this to brag or be filled with pride, please don't read those 'I' statements above and misunderstand. You have to know me to realize how HUGE it was for me to do all of the above and then have a house TODAY that looks like this:

There is HOPE:

I think today... I found MY HOUSE!!!!

Reinventing Myself? Or...

I've been abducted by aliens and replaced by a mean cleaning machine!!

First, a disclaimer: I have had some health issues which have landed me on steroids. Apparently, there are some pretty intense side effects with the dosage I am on. I have only noticed a few and ONE huge side effect - My ENERGY and DRIVE.

I have accomplished more in the past four days than I have in the past four weeks!!! I can't stop. I am also very disciplined all of a sudden.

My kids are on a schedule, I am on a schedule. I am getting things done when they should be and not putting them off.

Example: Dishes all done after dinner and/or put in dishwasher. Run the dishwasher every night and empty it every morning. Dishes never stay in the sink at all.

I wipe down counter tops and other appliances randomly through the day.

Bathrooms wiped down about every day. Scrubbed this week.

Beds made every morning.

House is picked up and cleaned up and vacuumed by the time the hubby gets home.

This would seem normal for many stay at home moms but because I have a busy bakery business out of my home and I am a typically undisciplined and messy person this is almost a miracle!

I have answered emails, made phone calls, am getting organized with my business.

I have made all sorts of cake decorations in advance and I'm eyeing my enclosed porch which has become a junk room again. I"m thinking if I need to make the best use of these steroids and my new found energy and get that CLEANED out.

woo-hoo!

The bad news is that the drugs won't last. This side effect can wear off and I can't stay on the medication long term. Hopefully I will have given myself a 'clean slate' and new habits will be formed before that happens.

Here's to HOPE!

Settling

I guess I just never thought it would be any different. I didn't know what I was missing? Or perhaps thought what my mind imagined could never become reality.

I grew up in a poor home. A messy and cluttered home. I went on to make my own home with my husband and now two kids and the mess and clutter followed. I have never known anything else.

Today, I wanted to 'start fresh'. I walked in from church and there were piles everywhere. Piles of dishes, piles of laundry, piles of clutter. "That's IT." I thought. Frustrated, I took off my high heels and got to work. I've been at it for hours now and have barely made much difference. The kids have already tracked in grass from outside and my husband just plopped more dishes in the sick (after I had put the last clean one away.)

Feeling discouraged, I wandered into the bathroom to grab the towels the kids left on the floor after a romp in the wading pool. I looked around "I guess I have to wipe everything in here down again... does it ever end?" and then I looked beyond the towels and finger prints on the glass.

"I don't really like my bathroom."

I had never said that before.

Or even thought it.

The lighthouse decoration was rusty and dusty and has a loan cobweb coming from it's beacon.

"I don't like lighthouses as home decor." I thought. But it was a gift from my Mother in Law and since my husband is from Maine I thought I should go with that.

There are WAY too many towel racks and hooks in our small bathroom. The previous owner must have loved them or something... but it doesn't look nice.

The hardware on the tub doesn't match the sink hardware and the cabinet below the sink doesn't match the woodwork in the rest of the bathroom. The glass globes that cover the lights on either side of the mirror don't match.

Then, I began to get it. If I could see past the daily mess... the daily clutter... I could see the potential.

Every room has potential. It can be something more than just a room. It can be a canvas for me to create. It can be a way to express myself and my style. All together, rooms can create mood and thought and ambience... Together rooms make a house and a house that is a home, when kept properly and decorated purposefully, can be a haven.

As I said in the previous post, my friend Amy and I had an amazing conversation. It was about this very thing. Because she knows that I love to decorate for parties and events and am meticulous in my planning and execution she said that she felt I need to carry that same passion into my home. I realized while talking to her that I have taken all my gifts and abilities, all my creativity and poured it OUTSIDE the walls of my home. When it came to the house... I just settled for whatever was there, and whatever we had and even let some of it go.

I was thinking that I have 'settled' and that I'm the only one standing in the way of my home being a haven.

Amy said so many profound things that I will share in another post, but one that we talked about is having a 'blank canvas'. She wondered if that might help me get started and not just look at all the piles and the mess. It may be hard to see beyond all that. I find it overwhelming sometimes. I guess I could always just take a day and completely EMPTY a room to get that blank canvas. Then, only put back what looks and feels right to me. I can't practically do that today, but I'm still attempting to create that blank canvas. I am just purging some things today. I'm cleaning and getting things put away so I can step back and look and see the potential.

Hope that this works.

One room at a time, right? :)

Still here!

I yell from under the pile)

sigh.

Yep. Still digging out and I feel like I accomplish one goal and clear out one corner or space only to discover another.

Feeling discouraged.

Also wanting to blog and record an AMAZING conversation I had with my friend Amy Grace who inspires me on a regular basis.

I'll be back to tell you all about it.

I have to go and wash my dishes though... for the FIFTH time today.
(I mean, seriously folks, do you all do this? I wash dishes constantly only in a meager effort to MAINTAIN. This is so NOT my idea of a good time.)

There is a manual for us!

A wonderful and very supportive friend purchased me this book for my birthday and I love it!

The author outlines what it means to be a 'Messy' and how and why we are this way! I'm only part way through, but I am hoping to obtain practical help as I journey through the pages.

She describes different kinds of 'Messies'. I found that I am almost ALL OF THEM.
sigh. That was discouraging.

She also described some 'Cleanies'. She even describes their day (how and when they clean).

In all of the descriptions of the 'Cleanies' I noticed that she wrote that they cleaned in the morning and then had the rest of the day to do whatever else. But as I kept reading I realized that this just wasn't true! They had to wash dishes every time there were dirty dishes to wash. They wiped down tables and other surfaces and did small pick ups throughout the day. I'm not a genius, but it doesn't take a rocket science to realize that the reason their homes are clean are because they cleaned ALL DAY.

Not only am I fighting the crazy schedule of the life I am living, the fact that I have an exorbitant amount of clutter, but I also have NO DESIRE to spend all that time picking up and cleaning when there is so much more I would rather do with my time.

sorry, but I'm trying to be honest. I want to say what I'm thinking here even if I will change (and hopefully grow from it) later.

Needless to say, even with that issue of the impossibility of 'cleanies' having only one time of day that they clean, I still have the found the book really full of validation and hope, so far. I will stick with it and hope to find practical help and advice in future chapters...

One box (or binder) at a time...

I'm still here. Still plugging away.

I have lowered my expectations. (slightly).

I've come to accept that my home won't look like a magazine spread by the end of 2011.

But if I could make a dent... even diminish considerably my junk and the exhorbitant amount of STUFF, that would be a GOOD THING.

Today, I am attempting to organize and purge my recipe system. (haha, cough, cough). Not a system, really. It's more of a binder that has become a catch-all for any recipe I spy that leaves me hungry.

My goal is to go from this:





To this:



I'll try to remember to post an update about any success or failure with this plan. (I have my fingers crossed). :)

A Clean Slate

Getting ready for this inspection for my home business pushed me to do a deep thorough clean of my kitchen.

It was hard.

My sister came over the day beforehand and spent time helping me cleanse the space of more clutter. Things I hadn't seen or thought of, she was able to visually address and then out it all went into boxes. Left behind was a minimalist and almost sterile looking kitchen.

She said "When I push myself to clean like this and purge my house of clutter, I can look at the new space it creates and it feels SO GOOD! It is worth the work it takes, because of how it makes me feel."

I thought in my head "I don't feel good".

I know that sounds awful, but I want this blog to be honest.

I looked at the bare walls. (My husband and I had taken down pictures and stuff off the walls to paint the kitchen this past weekend).

I looked at my clutter free hutch. My sis and I had just boxed about a dozen cookbooks and canning jars and even tall plastic jars full of colorful straws that my kids like.

Four perfect mugs sat in a perfect line on the shelf.

The cookbooks that remained were lined up perfectly even strategically placed with the baking manuals and cake books prominent.

It was too perfect.

Too little.

Too boring.

I called another girl friend for advice about what the inspector might ask or look for. She and her husband had owned a restaurant in the past and had been through this before.

She said "Empty your kitchen of any unnecessary items. It should hardly look like anyone lives there, or as if you just moved in."

and that was definitely the case.

Something about the empty counter tops made me want to fill them with vases of flowers, candles or whimsical tea pots.

Something about the naked walls made me want to run for my children's crayons and color all over them. ok, extreme I know.. but you get the point.

I realized through this process how much empty space BOTHERS me. I am NOT someone who likes simple clean lines. I want swirls.

I am NOT someone who likes bare clean surfaces. I want life and passion and warm color.

I am NOT someone who even likes order. Maybe creative order. Maybe order for traditions and order for my children's behaivor and order for programs and events, but for my home and my stuff, I want it to take on a life of it's own and just BE.

That being said, I don't want to be messy or dirty or live my life in a way that shows irresponsibility.

More importantly I want to be a good steward. I have been SO very blessed. God has given me so much. And I want to take care of what He has entrusted me with.
I want my children to learn from my example of how to rebound from failure, how to keep learning even in adulthood and how to manage the things God has provided for us.

He provided me with this business. He blessed me today and I passed my inspection. And He gave me more than that.
He gave me a clean slate.

I might add some lipstick and rouge to it, but I intend to (Lord willing) keep it clean. ;)

Under the microscope

I have an inspection this week for a home baking business.

I was excited at first to get to this point.
After months of waiting and paper work, after many closed doors and many, many prayers, it is here.

But, for someone who is already so raw and vulnerable about her home, this is completely uncomfortable and almost painful as I think about a total stranger entering my kitchen with the sole purpose of inspecting it.

I squirm anyway at the thought of people I don't know well in my home... but imagine how I will be under the microscope!

What have I gotten myself into?

For now, I'm moving forward.
Four days and counting...

I'm in Love...

First, with my husband.

This amazing man saw how overwhelmed I was with the upstairs and without saying a word last weekend, he just grabbed garbage bags and called the kids. I followed him up the stairs, curious. Then in two days, he did what I haven't been able to do in two years. Their rooms are CLEAN and ORGANIZED and FREE of junk! He threw things out without a second thought. He worked WITH the kids to come up with ways to organize the things they have and even changed some furniture around in A's room. Now her room makes more SENSE.

I had mixed feelings about all this. I was involved all day Saturday and Sunday with him and the kids worked hard too. This was a family project, but my dear husband was definitely the one in charge of this endeavor. We hauled out SEVEN bags of garbage and I put away many more bags of clothes that they had grown out of. (my son actually had some clothing items in his dresser that were two sizes too small!) Two more bags made it to the garage for a future yard sale. In the end, everyone was happy and the kids had a clean slate to work with for the weeks and months ahead. There is hope!

But... I had mixed feelings about all this. I feel inept. I feel like I'm lacking something basic, something elementary as a Mom because why couldn't I do this? Why did it take years of chaos and overwhelming ridiculousness for me every time I tried to clean their rooms? The last time I attempted a grand clean up, I ended up sobbing when just 24 hours later, they had trashed the upstairs again. It took me a week to get back some kind of order to it all. Then, in two days, my husband flies in (yes, he is a super hero) and makes progress that I didn't think was possible. He did it so effortlessly. He was whistling at one point. The kids actually got into it and everyone seemed to work together.

What is wrong with me that I couldn't accomplish this? Shouldn't I be the one who knows how to clean? Isn't it my job as a MOM to be able to teach my kids how to sort, store, and say goodbye to junk?

I am choosing today, to put those feelings aside for now. I need to focus on how THANKFUL I am for the man God gave me. I am completely in love with him and the nice clean rooms my children now have.

I am also in love with something else. My sister shared a blog she found online that she thought I would like. It is called

"A Slob Comes Clean".

I already loved it, just for the name.

Then I began to read.

I am completely in awe that someone else thinks like me and struggles with ordinary things like I do.

The author, "Nony" is awesome. She is so REAL. She is humorous and also honest. I haven't read all the way to the more current post, but already I am hearing my own struggles echoed in her story. She may think I'm a weird blog stalker type, but I feel like I have found a kindred spirit in this whole hoarding/messy issue I have been struggling with.

Here is a post I just read by her from December 30, 2009. For those of you who know me well, you will see why it hit home to me:

Click here: A Slob Comes Clean

or enter the url below:

http://www.aslobcomesclean.com/2009/12/projects-vs-progress-adjusting-my.html

Now I'm off to do some cleaning.

I feel inspired!

Unintentional Collections

I wonder if some hoarding is simply unintentional collecting.

Here are some of mine:

Picture Frames



And these are the ones NOT currently being used. (I have a ton more on the walls and shelves of my home).

Shoes





And those are just half of the shoes I own. (many more in the closet and a roll away tote under the bed). Yes, I am a self confessed shoe fanatic.

Apparently I also collect unmatched socks?



At last count, there were 72 unmatched socks.
Yeah... don't ask.

I have several very used old candles:



I can't seem to throw away old makeup:



And have an attraction to containers.
I heard once that hoarders like to collect containers to store things in. "I don't believe I do that." I thought to myself. WRONG. As I looked around I found that I do in fact seem to collect containers! Like storage totes, and


Canisters & Jars:



Some might call me a basket case:



And those are just the ones NOT filled with stuff. I have baskets all throughout my home. They hold video's in our entertainment center:



I have baskets in A's room for her pretty little things:



And on the shelves in N's room for his toys:



I have a basket by the door for hats and gloves:



And baskets on the stairs for things that need to be put away:



And it's empty! (so proud) I see that one toy didn't make it to its intended destination though.

I collect journals:

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And I use them all too! I have a gardening journal, a mothering journal for each of the kids, a 'Thankful' journal, a 'lessons learned' journal, a spiritual journal, a poetry journal, a marriage journal, a home decorating and improvement journal... well, you get the idea. :)

I also hold onto all of my old journals:



I have to include stuffed animals in this list of collections. Here is why:




Care to play "I Spy" anyone? I spied at least five Elmo's. And maybe four Cookie Monster's? Several stuffed animals missing limbs or tails and one that was even missing it's head!

Sure, those need to go! But what do I do with the cute novelty ones? How could I get rid of the ones that MEAN something?

I spy a pirate:




I spy a stuffed home made monster (made by my son and I when he was 3):



I spy a pound puppy named Clarence that I have had since I was a child and named after my now deceased Grandfather:



I spy my favorite child hood toy, a bear named Bubbles, who is sitting next to N's stuffed bear sheriff made with love by his "Mom-Mom":



I spy my son's beloved tiger that he called a "Lanoo" as an infant (His baby talk for lion):




I don't want to sound cavalier or as if I am proud of these collections. I'm not. I will admit that I'm not as bothered by my excess as you might be, but I do acknowledge that it's a problem.

I don't know how ready I am to actually get rid of some of it (or all of it). The socks might seem to be the most obvious choice. But as I stare at the row of unmatched socks I can only think, "Wait. Didn't I see that mate under a bed somewhere?" and then back into the sock bag it goes.


I have so many more 'collections' that it would need a separate blog post to list them all. Maybe another day.

sigh...

On and on it goes.

Have a good weekend, everyone.

Unintentionally collecting,
Julie

overwhelmed

2 steps forward.

2 steps back...

I am struggling to maintain what I have done so far. The baby boy clothes all left the house. My areas that I have cleared, I am fighting to keep clear. But clutter keeps creeping back in.

Today, I sat discouraged as I realized EACH AREA has several things sitting in it that need to be taken care of. I was determined to tackle these things right away. But then I realized that I hadn't checked on the upstairs all day. The kids were up there playing away in already cluttered play area and bedrooms.

Exhausted from a busy and emotional weekend, I climbed the stairs and tried to tell myself that the hour and a half left before my husband got home would be a wonderfully productive end to my day.

I was greeted by chaos in toy land. I couldn't see my daughter's floor. She had pulled out every piece of clothing from her dresser drawers and they were laying all over. Every toy was dumped out and I stepped on dolls and My Little Pony's and play dishes as I plundered through it all in disbelief.

My son's room looked like a tornado had come through. Legos and transformers... All manner of small toys in their millions of pieces and parts were strewn across the carpet. The blankets ripped almost all the way off his bed. I couldn't open the door all the way and realized his pillows and some clothing were blocking my entrance.

On the verge of tears, I ordered a mass clean up.

They are struggling. Floundering, up there. Attempting to make order out of the chaos that is their living situation. Yes, chaos they created, but I take responsibility for the fact that my children are comfortable living like this, playing like this, without any thought to the mess and without the tools they need to clean up.

They don't clean properly. I have tried and tried to teach them. I have baskets for them on shelves for each toy. I made sure to get rid of old toys they have outgrown and thrown away broken toys. Each toy has a place. I have helped them so many times... more times than I can count. And it exhausts me each time. I can't put into words...

It makes my chest feel tight and I just swallow hard and try to not look like I'm on the verge of a break down. But I'm so overwhelmed that I had to walk away just now. They are upstairs. I doubt any progress has been made.

I had to come and just vent.
Thanks for listening... whoever you are.

Maybe I can make 2 steps forward tomorrow? There's always reason to hope.

Just in Case...

Had a great chat with a family member recently. I opened up about my hoarding and explained the process I am in with purging my home of the clutter and purging my head of wrong thinking about my stuff.

She asked what kind of stuff I hang onto. I answered her right away because I had already identified the two categories. "Sentimental" things... things that have sentimental value to me and therefore I assign emotional value to it and have trouble letting it go. And "Just in Case" things. Things that I believe I may need, or someone else may need one day.

The Just in Case is what is out of control more than anything else.

Confession time:
At last count, I have 72 socks that have lost their match. I keep them (for years? gulp.) in the hopes that their true match will one day find it's way back into our lives.

I have 1 1/2 bins of wrapping paper, bows, ribbons and gift bags. Just in case I should ever need them. The funny thing is that some of the gift bags, etc. that are in there I have had in my possession since the first year I was married.

I have over 20 purses. Just in case I should need that small silver glittery one the next time I go on a cruise, the small black one that matches a perfect black dress that doesn't fit me any more, and a brown leopard one with patent handle that will go perfect with brown patent peep toes that I have looked for at stores for over 2 years now. ...

I have the hard drive to a computer that died 3 years ago. The drive pretty much melted and the data on it couldn't be retrieved. I kept it though. My daughters baby pictures are on it. Things I had been working on were on that drive. Maybe one day technology will find a way to bring it back to life? Or I will have the $1000 it would take to send it to a computer hard drive hospital and have it re built.
Just in Case.

I have a suit case with the zipper broken on it.

I have clothes that are 2 sizes too small for me.

I have bins and boxes of hobbies I haven't picked up in years. Scrapbooking, piano books, etc.

I have 11 earrings that don't have their match.

I have 2 totes full of craft items from the 1990's.

I have boxes of magazines that have recipes and household tips that I thought I may need... one day. But thinking about it now, they are from the 1990's or earlier. Chances are they won't even apply to my life or my style by the time I finally go through them.

...

It's a "Just In Case" epidemic at my home.

But, "you never know", I think. "Someone might need this stuff one day."

I talk myself into keeping it. If I happen to be smart and throw it out, I keep thinking about that item in the trash. It keeps bugging me and doesn't stop until its gone with the garbage truck.

It is hard to let these things go. I can't explain why. I can't describe the feeling. I feel foolish just talking about it. There is fear behind it, this I know. There is a control that I don't want to give up. And more than that, there is the desire to meet a need. A need of my own, and also the needs of my family and friends. I just love coming the rescue with an item for someone. "Where in the world did you get that?" they ask.
"oh, I happened to hang onto it... Just in Case."

Under the Pile... of baby clothes

One of the things I knew I would one day have to face is the sorting and giving away of baby clothes. My children are now ages 8 and 5 and I have kept and stored and labeled all of their clothes from birth to now. So much has been given to us and we have purchased a bit of it too. I loved combing through garage sales when they were little and finding great deals on cute clothes for them to run around in.

I shoved tote after tote in the attic of our home. When we moved, they all came with us (much to the displeasure of my husband). I told him (and myself) that one day my sisters would have children and I would pass the clothes on then.

That day has come. My one sister is adopting a little girl, so all my girl clothes can go to her. Another sister is expecting a baby boy in the Spring. My 8 year old son won't be needing that cute 0-3 month old sleeper ever again. Time to give it all up.

...

It is harder than I thought.

I want to tell them to take care of these things.

I wonder if they know how precious they are to me.

I wonder if they realize all the emotions and memories that are bound up in these little things. The sweet little sweaters, the booties, the hats. I found little shoes that I remember trying to tie onto my sons feet as he kicked and kicked. He giggled the whole time, he loved making it hard on mommy to get those shoes on his feet.

Of course they won't know. They don't realize. But these things are just clothes after all. I know that one of my issues is assigning emotional value to things. This is a prime example, I guess. I need to keep moving and just do it.

It's easier for me to give things away that mean a lot to me, when I know that I mean a lot to the other person. When I question if they value me or not, then it's hard to give things I value to them.

I have so much that I'm feeling right now. I wanted to just put it all off, walk away from the piles and drown my sorrows in a cup of chai.

But I have hauled down every single tote from the attic and I am not bringing it back up. I'm determined to move forward... one onesie, one sleeper, one bootie at a time.

A New Year...

But the same me.

I am finding that my mind is constantly attempting to organize itself.

It WANTS to clean out the clutter.

I was delighted to discover that I do have SOME sense of organization when I unpacked my Christmas decorations this year. Boxes were packed by room. The tree decorations had it's own box. And my boxes were all green totes so they were easy to identify... that is, all 13 of them.

Yep. 1 normal size house. Family of 4. But 13 large green storage totes of Christmas decorations.

Somehow my organizational mind went hay wire.

How did I get like this?

Maybe I'll figure out how and why and what I have to do to end it in 2011.

One can only hope.