Settling

I guess I just never thought it would be any different. I didn't know what I was missing? Or perhaps thought what my mind imagined could never become reality.

I grew up in a poor home. A messy and cluttered home. I went on to make my own home with my husband and now two kids and the mess and clutter followed. I have never known anything else.

Today, I wanted to 'start fresh'. I walked in from church and there were piles everywhere. Piles of dishes, piles of laundry, piles of clutter. "That's IT." I thought. Frustrated, I took off my high heels and got to work. I've been at it for hours now and have barely made much difference. The kids have already tracked in grass from outside and my husband just plopped more dishes in the sick (after I had put the last clean one away.)

Feeling discouraged, I wandered into the bathroom to grab the towels the kids left on the floor after a romp in the wading pool. I looked around "I guess I have to wipe everything in here down again... does it ever end?" and then I looked beyond the towels and finger prints on the glass.

"I don't really like my bathroom."

I had never said that before.

Or even thought it.

The lighthouse decoration was rusty and dusty and has a loan cobweb coming from it's beacon.

"I don't like lighthouses as home decor." I thought. But it was a gift from my Mother in Law and since my husband is from Maine I thought I should go with that.

There are WAY too many towel racks and hooks in our small bathroom. The previous owner must have loved them or something... but it doesn't look nice.

The hardware on the tub doesn't match the sink hardware and the cabinet below the sink doesn't match the woodwork in the rest of the bathroom. The glass globes that cover the lights on either side of the mirror don't match.

Then, I began to get it. If I could see past the daily mess... the daily clutter... I could see the potential.

Every room has potential. It can be something more than just a room. It can be a canvas for me to create. It can be a way to express myself and my style. All together, rooms can create mood and thought and ambience... Together rooms make a house and a house that is a home, when kept properly and decorated purposefully, can be a haven.

As I said in the previous post, my friend Amy and I had an amazing conversation. It was about this very thing. Because she knows that I love to decorate for parties and events and am meticulous in my planning and execution she said that she felt I need to carry that same passion into my home. I realized while talking to her that I have taken all my gifts and abilities, all my creativity and poured it OUTSIDE the walls of my home. When it came to the house... I just settled for whatever was there, and whatever we had and even let some of it go.

I was thinking that I have 'settled' and that I'm the only one standing in the way of my home being a haven.

Amy said so many profound things that I will share in another post, but one that we talked about is having a 'blank canvas'. She wondered if that might help me get started and not just look at all the piles and the mess. It may be hard to see beyond all that. I find it overwhelming sometimes. I guess I could always just take a day and completely EMPTY a room to get that blank canvas. Then, only put back what looks and feels right to me. I can't practically do that today, but I'm still attempting to create that blank canvas. I am just purging some things today. I'm cleaning and getting things put away so I can step back and look and see the potential.

Hope that this works.

One room at a time, right? :)