A Clean Slate

Getting ready for this inspection for my home business pushed me to do a deep thorough clean of my kitchen.

It was hard.

My sister came over the day beforehand and spent time helping me cleanse the space of more clutter. Things I hadn't seen or thought of, she was able to visually address and then out it all went into boxes. Left behind was a minimalist and almost sterile looking kitchen.

She said "When I push myself to clean like this and purge my house of clutter, I can look at the new space it creates and it feels SO GOOD! It is worth the work it takes, because of how it makes me feel."

I thought in my head "I don't feel good".

I know that sounds awful, but I want this blog to be honest.

I looked at the bare walls. (My husband and I had taken down pictures and stuff off the walls to paint the kitchen this past weekend).

I looked at my clutter free hutch. My sis and I had just boxed about a dozen cookbooks and canning jars and even tall plastic jars full of colorful straws that my kids like.

Four perfect mugs sat in a perfect line on the shelf.

The cookbooks that remained were lined up perfectly even strategically placed with the baking manuals and cake books prominent.

It was too perfect.

Too little.

Too boring.

I called another girl friend for advice about what the inspector might ask or look for. She and her husband had owned a restaurant in the past and had been through this before.

She said "Empty your kitchen of any unnecessary items. It should hardly look like anyone lives there, or as if you just moved in."

and that was definitely the case.

Something about the empty counter tops made me want to fill them with vases of flowers, candles or whimsical tea pots.

Something about the naked walls made me want to run for my children's crayons and color all over them. ok, extreme I know.. but you get the point.

I realized through this process how much empty space BOTHERS me. I am NOT someone who likes simple clean lines. I want swirls.

I am NOT someone who likes bare clean surfaces. I want life and passion and warm color.

I am NOT someone who even likes order. Maybe creative order. Maybe order for traditions and order for my children's behaivor and order for programs and events, but for my home and my stuff, I want it to take on a life of it's own and just BE.

That being said, I don't want to be messy or dirty or live my life in a way that shows irresponsibility.

More importantly I want to be a good steward. I have been SO very blessed. God has given me so much. And I want to take care of what He has entrusted me with.
I want my children to learn from my example of how to rebound from failure, how to keep learning even in adulthood and how to manage the things God has provided for us.

He provided me with this business. He blessed me today and I passed my inspection. And He gave me more than that.
He gave me a clean slate.

I might add some lipstick and rouge to it, but I intend to (Lord willing) keep it clean. ;)

Under the microscope

I have an inspection this week for a home baking business.

I was excited at first to get to this point.
After months of waiting and paper work, after many closed doors and many, many prayers, it is here.

But, for someone who is already so raw and vulnerable about her home, this is completely uncomfortable and almost painful as I think about a total stranger entering my kitchen with the sole purpose of inspecting it.

I squirm anyway at the thought of people I don't know well in my home... but imagine how I will be under the microscope!

What have I gotten myself into?

For now, I'm moving forward.
Four days and counting...

I'm in Love...

First, with my husband.

This amazing man saw how overwhelmed I was with the upstairs and without saying a word last weekend, he just grabbed garbage bags and called the kids. I followed him up the stairs, curious. Then in two days, he did what I haven't been able to do in two years. Their rooms are CLEAN and ORGANIZED and FREE of junk! He threw things out without a second thought. He worked WITH the kids to come up with ways to organize the things they have and even changed some furniture around in A's room. Now her room makes more SENSE.

I had mixed feelings about all this. I was involved all day Saturday and Sunday with him and the kids worked hard too. This was a family project, but my dear husband was definitely the one in charge of this endeavor. We hauled out SEVEN bags of garbage and I put away many more bags of clothes that they had grown out of. (my son actually had some clothing items in his dresser that were two sizes too small!) Two more bags made it to the garage for a future yard sale. In the end, everyone was happy and the kids had a clean slate to work with for the weeks and months ahead. There is hope!

But... I had mixed feelings about all this. I feel inept. I feel like I'm lacking something basic, something elementary as a Mom because why couldn't I do this? Why did it take years of chaos and overwhelming ridiculousness for me every time I tried to clean their rooms? The last time I attempted a grand clean up, I ended up sobbing when just 24 hours later, they had trashed the upstairs again. It took me a week to get back some kind of order to it all. Then, in two days, my husband flies in (yes, he is a super hero) and makes progress that I didn't think was possible. He did it so effortlessly. He was whistling at one point. The kids actually got into it and everyone seemed to work together.

What is wrong with me that I couldn't accomplish this? Shouldn't I be the one who knows how to clean? Isn't it my job as a MOM to be able to teach my kids how to sort, store, and say goodbye to junk?

I am choosing today, to put those feelings aside for now. I need to focus on how THANKFUL I am for the man God gave me. I am completely in love with him and the nice clean rooms my children now have.

I am also in love with something else. My sister shared a blog she found online that she thought I would like. It is called

"A Slob Comes Clean".

I already loved it, just for the name.

Then I began to read.

I am completely in awe that someone else thinks like me and struggles with ordinary things like I do.

The author, "Nony" is awesome. She is so REAL. She is humorous and also honest. I haven't read all the way to the more current post, but already I am hearing my own struggles echoed in her story. She may think I'm a weird blog stalker type, but I feel like I have found a kindred spirit in this whole hoarding/messy issue I have been struggling with.

Here is a post I just read by her from December 30, 2009. For those of you who know me well, you will see why it hit home to me:

Click here: A Slob Comes Clean

or enter the url below:

http://www.aslobcomesclean.com/2009/12/projects-vs-progress-adjusting-my.html

Now I'm off to do some cleaning.

I feel inspired!